cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
