I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
