when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
