You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
