i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
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