Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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