I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
