So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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