oh god the rape fog is back!
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
