I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
