did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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