I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
