Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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