What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
