Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
