My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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