please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
