Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
