Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Sext me about skeletons
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
