just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
