his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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