Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm like, not good at living.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
