My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
