Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
