what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
