my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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