Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
