I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
