Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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