i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Who died my cat blue again?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
