somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
