I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
