Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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