sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
