My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Vodka?
Forever.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
