I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It's never too late to be topless.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
