two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
