And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
