Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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