You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
