I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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