I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I party with great urgency now.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
