Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
