is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
