I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
