i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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