Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
