I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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