Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
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