Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
