I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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