You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
