Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
