Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Can Purell be used as lube?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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