She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
