im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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