she woke up with a sticky ear
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
