i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just had sex on a roof
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
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